What's in today's newsletter?
- The performative male
- Fashion Studio by FLORA
- Better brand deals webinar
- Be delusional for 30 days
- How designers influence
You know this guy.
There’s one at every design critique.
He walks in with a canvas tote, an iced matcha 🍵 and a book by a woman. He tells the room he’s “been thinking a lot about making the team feel safer.”
Then a woman disagrees with him.
Her: “I don’t think that works, because…”
Him: “So what I’m hearing you say is…”
And he explains her point back to her. With the confidence of a man discovering her idea in real time.
Look, the tote is innocent. The matcha is innocent (not a big fan but I’m not here to cancel it). The book has done nothing wrong.
None of them tells you what he does when being decent stops making him look good.
People I’m talking about the “performative male”.
He likes the right books.
He uses the right language.
He has the right vibes.
There’s a tech/workplace version of this. You know, when we say inclusion, equity, psychological safety, representation, trust, accountability, all the DEI buzzwords.
There's also the broader societal version, it's virtue signalling, moral grandstanding, behaving in a certain way for the optics.
Heck, the bloke may even mean well.
The test comes when:
- a woman challenges him
- a woman sets her boundaries
- a woman gets the credit he wanted (ouch)
A decent man listens even when it costs him something. He backs women up without needing a thank-you post. He doesn’t turn any of it into a personal brand.
Which brings me to me.
I know how easily values become content. I’ve been creating content for 3+ years, and platforms do mess with your head.
They pay you for a clear opinion, a solid lesson, and a story where you come out looking good. I’ve written versions of that story.
Tech has its own flavour.
We talk about inclusion in public, then watch who gets interrupted in the meeting.
We say “psychological safety” while the junior person sands down a simple disagreement so nobody labels them difficult.
The “good guy” persona is built for an audience.
And it’s easy when the audience is clapping.
The harder test is when the audience is other men.
A joke crosses a line. Someone is being pressured. Speaking up could cost you their approval.
I don’t have a joke for this one.
In September 2026, a former Cornell student filed a civil lawsuit alleging that 7 fraternity members sexually assaulted her in 2024. The suit also alleges that one of the men messaged the fraternity group chat, encouraging others to join.
A lawyer for at least one of the men has denied wrongdoing.
The suit accuses Cornell of failing to protect her. It also alleges some students were allowed to write essays to reduce their sanctions. Cornell disputes that, saying its disciplinary process included expulsions and suspensions.
The criminal investigation has reopened, with New York’s attorney general leading it. Cornell has commissioned an independent review of its response. Reuters reported on 8 October that no criminal charges had been filed by then.
None of that is settled.
But the question for any man in a group chat or a room is already here:
What do you do when someone crosses a line?
(a fair question for this group, as this is design’s group chat)
I might sound like a preacher here, but I’m also speaking to myself.
I can hear the irony. I wrote a whole newsletter about performative decency, which is a very convenient way to look decent.
So yeah, I’m in the problem too.
The actual test comes later though. A friend makes the joke. Everyone waits to see if you’ll laugh.
- Challenge it
- Interrupt the pressure
- Check in with the person being targeted
Don’t wait for a woman to explain why it was wrong. Don’t turn your objection into a story about your own bravery.
When you get it wrong, listen, apologise, and change what you do.
No speech required.
What’s one small thing someone did at work that made you feel backed up? One line is fine.
